


Is this burning?

by olive2read



Series: Sex Bloopers [2]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Allergic reaction, Anal Sex, Bergamot & White Pepper Oil, M/M, Podfic Welcome, Sex bloopers, Unintentional Figging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 08:09:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19826044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olive2read/pseuds/olive2read
Summary: Out of their go-to oil, Patrick makes an ill-advised replacement





	Is this burning?

**Author's Note:**

> Allergic reaction to lube idea from olivebranchesandredwine 😘

Patrick chewed on his lip and contemplated the selection of infused oils. Would harissa oil be too spicy? He really liked the warming feel of the bergamot white pepper oil they’d been using but they’d finished a bottle last night and the store was currently out of stock. David had been vague on the issue impacting the supplier but Patrick was pretty sure it was something to do with the recent unseasonal frost and there was no way to tell when they’d be getting more in.

He put the harissa back and picked up the truffle oil. David would like truffles, wouldn’t he? He put the bottle down, checked his watch, and ran a hand across his scalp. David would be back from the café any minute and Patrick really wanted to have this sorted by then. For all that he considered himself to be a ‘take charge kinda guy,’ he hated having to make decisions like this. Scanning across the bottles once more he spied a fig and ginger that must be new. Intrigued by the flavour combination, he rang himself up and slipped it into his pocket and just in time. The bell tinkled as David walked in, dropping a quick hello kiss on to Patrick’s lips and presenting his tea before heading into the back room. Patrick patted his pocket and sipped his tea, confidence returning now that he’d made his choice.

____

David groaned as Patrick slipped a second finger inside. The new oil was pleasantly warming and Patrick was loving the sensation as he opened David. He gave himself a mental high five as he added a third finger.

“God, Patrick, yes! I want you inside me, oh God, Patrick!”

Unable to hold off any longer, Patrick poured some more oil on his hand, lubed his cock in a rush, and thrust into David.

“Unnnghh, Patrick! Yes!”

Patrick picked up speed as he felt the warmth of the oil seep into the sensitive skin on his cock. It felt like his whole body was tingling. He loved that every time he was inside of David it just got better, got hotter. He could feel himself starting to sweat as heat rushed up from where their bodies were joined.

“Um,” David said, expression going from bliss to discomfort. “What is that?”

Suddenly their rhythm faltered as David pushed himself up the bed, sliding away from Patrick. “Ow, stop, ow, fuck, ow, this is burning, Patrick.” Patrick froze and David squirmed further up the bed.

In a flash David was off the bed and heading toward the bathroom. “I think I’m having a reaction to the lube,” he called over his shoulder as he turned on the shower. “Omigod, ow, fuck this burns!”

“David? What’s wrong?” He felt another wave of heat and realised that it wasn’t coming from the intensity of their connection. “David, is this burning?” He looked down at his very red cock and the flush creeping up his body.

“I’m gonna wash it off,” David called. “Fuck! It’s getting worse! Ow! FUCK!”

Patrick started to follow but stumbled, feeling light headed. He felt another rush of heat climb his body and the room started to spin slightly. “David?” he called out weakly.

“Patrick? Are you coming? Fuck! You should wash it off too, babe. Omigod, fuck!”

The water turned off after a few moments and David appeared in the bathroom doorway, wrapped in a towel. When he saw Patrick on the floor, he cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. “Patrick? Aren’t you going to wash it off?”

Patrick looked up at the various Davids and tried to focus on one of them. “Wha-” was all he managed before David was kneeling on the floor beside him.

“Patrick? What happened? Are you ok? Fuck! Your whole body is red. Patrick?”

David crawled over to the bedside table and grabbed his phone. “Yes, hello? I think my boyfriend’s having an allergic reaction?!?!” 

“I don’t know,” David wailed into the phone. “His whole body is red! and his face is going all puffy! and he isn’t talking!” The tone of David’s voice had climbed through that entire speech and his hands were flailing too fast for Patrick to follow.

He made his way back to Patrick, who was blinking slowly and still trying to get the myriad Davids to cooperate and resolve back into a single David. Patrick tried holding up a hand to help decide on which was the real David but his arm felt so heavy and he was suddenly so very tired. 

Patrick closed his eyes as another wave of heat swept through him.

“Omigod, Patrick, stay with me. Omigod, are you breathing? Breathe, babe. _PATRICK!!_ ”

____

When Patrick next awoke he was lying in a hospital bed and a tearful David sat next to him, one hand over his face and the other holding his hand.

“D-David?” He croaked out, barely a whisper. His throat hurt and his whole body felt hot and scratchy. He wiggled his fingers under David’s hand and was rewarded by David looking up and then pulling him into a tight embrace.

“Patrick! Oh thank god!”

“Wh-what happened?”

David pulled back and wiped his eyes. “You had an allergic reaction to the oil.” 

“I did?”

David nodded. “Your face swelled up and you lost consciousness and you,” he paused to swipe at a stray tear, “you wouldn’t wake up. Even after the EMTs gave you epinephrine.”

Patrick pulled him in for another hug. For a moment they just clung to each other, David sniffling into his neck and Patrick squeezing him tightly. He started taking stock of himself, scanning through the fuzzy memories of multiple Davids in his vision, and then remembered the shower. He reached up to cup David’s face in his hands, scanning for any signs. “What about you, David?”

David’s brow furrowed. “What about me, what, Patrick?”

“Didn’t you react, too? I remember you saying it burned … ?”

David’s face suddenly went stern. “Oh, it did, Patrick. It burned like fuck. Promise me you will _never_ ,” he glared at Patrick, “ _NEVER_ again put ginger in my asshole without my consent.”

Patrick gulped and nodded. “Is,” he began, swallowing audibly at David’s expression, “is that bad? I, um, I thought it would be warming? Like the white pepper?”

“Yeah, ginger goes beyond warming.” David took a deep breath and visibly released his anger. As his face softened, Patrick could tell he was taking pity on him. David kissed him gently. “Let’s just say that’s not the sort of burning we want in our relationship, hmmm?”


End file.
